WEBVTT
1
00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.400
Welcome back to the Balancing Act, highs, lows and Lessons.
2
00:00:09.800 --> 00:00:12.320
I'm your host, Nick and Marie, and today we're talking
3
00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:15.279
about something that quietly shapes every part of your life,
4
00:00:15.960 --> 00:00:19.760
your self esteem. Your self esteem is the foundation beneath
5
00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:24.600
everything and how you talk to yourself, how you love yourself,
6
00:00:25.120 --> 00:00:28.559
how you trust yourself, and how you rise after life
7
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:33.280
knocks you down. People with healthy self esteem don't feel perfect.
8
00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:38.920
They simply believe these three things. I matter, my voice matters,
9
00:00:39.679 --> 00:00:43.159
and I am enough. But for so many of us,
10
00:00:43.200 --> 00:00:49.439
that inner voice sounds different. It whispers I'm not good enough,
11
00:00:50.240 --> 00:00:55.439
I don't belong. Something must be wrong with me. And
12
00:00:55.479 --> 00:01:01.240
the truth is that voice didn't start in adulthood. It
13
00:01:01.320 --> 00:01:05.359
started in childhood through the tone people use with us.
14
00:01:05.879 --> 00:01:09.760
What they praised, what they dismissed, or whether we felt
15
00:01:09.799 --> 00:01:15.359
seen or overlooked. Today we're slowing down and tracing those
16
00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:20.519
messages back to the beginning. We're exploring how society, comparison,
17
00:01:20.719 --> 00:01:25.560
and early experiences shape your inner self esteem voice and
18
00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:30.000
how you can rewrite it with compassion, truth and intention.
19
00:01:31.159 --> 00:01:34.959
This episode is your invitation to rise, not by becoming
20
00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:41.920
someone new, but by returning to yourself self esteem is
21
00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:45.920
the foundation beneath everything else in your life. How you
22
00:01:45.959 --> 00:01:49.400
talk to yourself, how you love yourself, how you trust yourself,
23
00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:53.599
how you navigate the world, how you handle rejection or failure,
24
00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:57.239
and how you rise after life knocks you down. People
25
00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:00.319
with healthy self esteem aren't perfect. They don't make up
26
00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:04.079
every day feeling brilliant or beautiful, but they do believe
27
00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:09.360
I matter, I deserve to be here, My mistakes don't
28
00:02:09.400 --> 00:02:14.560
erase my worth. My voice matters, my needs matter, and
29
00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:18.560
I am enough. But someone with low self esteem carries
30
00:02:18.599 --> 00:02:23.879
a different inner truth. Their internal voice whispers I'm not
31
00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:27.120
good enough. I don't belong here. Everyone else is better
32
00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:30.919
than me. I shouldn't try because I'll fail. Why would
33
00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:34.599
someone pick me? Something must be wrong with me. This
34
00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:40.039
quiet internal voice shapes everything even when we don't realize it.
35
00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:45.400
Self esteem doesn't suddenly appear when we become adults. It
36
00:02:45.439 --> 00:02:49.240
starts way earlier than most of us realize, long before
37
00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:53.000
we had the language to describe how we were feeling.
38
00:02:53.960 --> 00:02:59.520
In childhood. We are constantly paying attention, constantly absorbing the
39
00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:02.800
world around us. As I said to a friend of mine,
40
00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:06.599
I said, you know, kids are like sponges and they're
41
00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:11.360
constantly forming beliefs about themselves based on the people who
42
00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:15.319
raise us, who teach us, who influence us. Before we
43
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:20.000
even heard the phrase self esteem, we were already taking
44
00:03:20.039 --> 00:03:23.159
in the tone of the adults around us, how they
45
00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.039
reacted to our emotions, whether home felt safe or unpredictable,
46
00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:33.120
how often we were encouraged, supported or comforted, and whether
47
00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:37.719
we felt seen, valued or quietly overlooked. Some children grow
48
00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:43.599
up in environments filled with warmth, patience, and affirmations, places
49
00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:47.599
where mistakes are treated as part of learning, and feelings
50
00:03:47.639 --> 00:03:52.840
are welcomed instead of dismissed. Other children, unfortunately, grow up
51
00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:57.919
in homes where comparisons or criticism or emotional neglect is
52
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:02.879
the norm. And the thing is, even if our caregivers
53
00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:08.159
didn't mean any harm, the messages we receive still landed.
54
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:12.240
And those early messages don't stay in childhood. They travel
55
00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:15.560
with us, they grow with us, and they shape how
56
00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:18.079
we show up in the world as adults. So think
57
00:04:18.079 --> 00:04:21.639
about it as a child who constantly hears why aren't
58
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:23.600
you more like your sister, or why aren't you more
59
00:04:23.639 --> 00:04:27.240
like your brother, starts to believe I'm not good enough.
60
00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:31.920
Who I am is always lacking. A child who hears
61
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:36.759
stop crying, you're too emotional grows up into an adult
62
00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:39.639
who thinks MY feelings are a problem and I should
63
00:04:39.720 --> 00:04:44.079
keep them to myself. A child who is only praised
64
00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:48.879
when they achieve something good grades winning the game, being
65
00:04:48.920 --> 00:04:53.120
the responsible one learns that love is earned, but I
66
00:04:53.160 --> 00:04:57.319
have to perform to be worthy. And a child who
67
00:04:57.560 --> 00:05:03.079
rarely heard gentle words or affection becomes an adult who
68
00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:07.120
struggles to offer themselves the same kindness. They may look
69
00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:11.040
accomplished on the outside, but on the inside, that inner
70
00:05:11.120 --> 00:05:15.879
voice is cold. It's harsh or even unforgiving. And here's
71
00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:21.759
the part many of us don't realize as adults. We
72
00:05:21.839 --> 00:05:27.160
don't always make the connection. We don't look back and say, ah,
73
00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.560
that's why I feel this way. We just live with
74
00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:33.920
the symptoms of low self esteem and think that they're
75
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:38.480
part of our personality. So we find ourselves asking why
76
00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:41.680
am I so hard on myself? Why does accepting a
77
00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.399
compliment feel awkward or uncomfortable? Why do I shrink back
78
00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:48.959
in certain rooms even when I know I belong there.
79
00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:53.079
Why do I avoid opportunities that could help me grow?
80
00:05:54.160 --> 00:05:57.519
Why does rejection feel like the absolute end of the
81
00:05:57.560 --> 00:06:02.560
world and why, deep down does love feel like something
82
00:06:02.600 --> 00:06:06.279
I have to earn instead of something I deserve. When
83
00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:08.920
we start tracing these questions back to the beginning, we
84
00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:13.000
realize something powerful. Most of our self esteem wasn't chosen,
85
00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:17.560
it was learned. But as adults, we can choose to
86
00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:23.079
rewrite those old messages. We can rebuild how we see ourselves,
87
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:27.639
and that's where the healing begins. But now here we
88
00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:33.120
go society. Society steps in and it doesn't matter how
89
00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:36.240
strong or ground do we think we are. The world
90
00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:41.439
around us has a way of whispering, nudging, and sometimes
91
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:45.720
shouting that message that makes us second guess ourselves. From
92
00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:51.680
the time we're young, we're surrounded by images, trends, standards,
93
00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:56.040
and expectations that tell us who we're supposed to be
94
00:06:56.319 --> 00:06:59.639
and how we're supposed to look and what success or
95
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:03.279
beauty is supposed to mean. And every few years the
96
00:07:03.399 --> 00:07:08.240
definitions shift. Curls are in, then straight hair is in,
97
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:15.079
thick brows, then thin brows, heavy cauture, then no makeup fillers,
98
00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:21.079
then natural beauty, glass skins, soft life, clean girl esthetic,
99
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:27.560
that girl routines. The labels change, but the underlining message
100
00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:33.319
somehow stays exactly the same who you naturally are still
101
00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:37.319
isn't enough, and we internalize it whether we want to
102
00:07:37.920 --> 00:07:43.920
or not. We adjust, We adapt, We shape ourselves, sometimes slowly,
103
00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:49.639
sometimes dramatically, to fit whatever the current standard is. We
104
00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:53.360
change our hairstyle to match what's trending. We try new
105
00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:58.040
makeup routines because everyone online swears it's the look. We
106
00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:02.800
tweak our clothes, I'll poshure our poses. Ooh, get those
107
00:08:02.839 --> 00:08:10.079
angles or filters. And it's not until the image we're
108
00:08:10.120 --> 00:08:14.120
presenting stops feeling like the person we actually are. And
109
00:08:14.199 --> 00:08:17.720
here's the part we don't talk about enough. You can
110
00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:22.279
be confident and still feel the pressure. You can love
111
00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:26.160
yourself and still have moments when society makes you question
112
00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:29.560
if you're measuring up. Now, let me be clear, there's
113
00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:33.279
nothing wrong with enhancing your beauty. There's nothing wrong with
114
00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:37.720
exploring your style, you know, switching things up, or expressing
115
00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:42.320
yourself or enjoying aesthetics. There's nothing wrong with wanting to
116
00:08:42.399 --> 00:08:45.840
look good or feel good. The issue is not the change.
117
00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:50.840
The issue is the intention behind the change. So the
118
00:08:50.879 --> 00:08:55.159
real question, the honest question, becomes am I doing this
119
00:08:55.320 --> 00:08:59.519
because it feels like me? Or because I want to
120
00:08:59.559 --> 00:09:04.639
be accepted. Society can make us shape shift, it can
121
00:09:04.679 --> 00:09:08.039
make us shrink, It can make us feel like we're
122
00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:11.759
always chasing some version of ourselves we've never actually met.
123
00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:16.960
When our self esteem is low, every choice becomes a performance.
124
00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:21.600
It's like a way to earn approval, validation, or a
125
00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:25.440
sense of belonging. But when our self esteem is healthy,
126
00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:30.720
that's when everything shifts. When self esteem is healthy, every
127
00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:35.559
choice becomes an expression, not a performance, not a disguise,
128
00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:41.320
not a survival strategy, just a reflection of who you
129
00:09:41.519 --> 00:09:45.039
actually are, not who you think you're supposed to be.
130
00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:49.600
And a strong sense of self esteem doesn't silence society,
131
00:09:50.279 --> 00:09:53.440
nothing ever fully does. But it does give us the
132
00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:57.879
power to say, yeah, I can see the trends, I
133
00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:01.320
can enjoy them, but I don't have to lose myself
134
00:10:01.399 --> 00:10:04.639
to them. And that level of self trust, now that's
135
00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:09.559
real freedom. There's so many things that low self esteem
136
00:10:10.120 --> 00:10:17.360
can impact your mental health. Anxiety, depression, overthinking, fear of judgment,
137
00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:23.960
replaying conversations, predicting worst case scenarios. It can also affect
138
00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:31.559
your relationships, tolerating mistreatment, giving too much, shrinking to avoid conflict,
139
00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:36.240
taking crumbs, and calling it love, pushing people away before
140
00:10:36.360 --> 00:10:43.240
they can leave. It definitely affects friendships, work, school, physical health.
141
00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:47.080
And we're talking about, you know, being the listener but
142
00:10:47.240 --> 00:10:54.159
never sharing, apologizing, constantly assuming your replaceable, staying quiet to
143
00:10:54.279 --> 00:11:00.519
avoid being a burden, doubting your abilities, avoiding promotions, shrinking
144
00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:06.799
in important rooms, settling for less emotionally eating, skipping meals,
145
00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:12.440
restless sleep, waking up tired because your mind never really rested.
146
00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:17.720
Low self esteem is sneaky. It even distorts positivity. Someone
147
00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:21.159
with confidence heres you did a great job and says
148
00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:26.440
thank you. Someone with low self esteem thinks they're lying. Oh,
149
00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:29.240
they must feel bad for me, what did I mess up?
150
00:11:29.840 --> 00:11:35.120
Low self esteem turns blessing into threats, love into suspicion,
151
00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:40.440
and compliments into confusion. Now, getting into the headspace to
152
00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:44.720
rebuild your self esteem. That's important because before you can
153
00:11:44.799 --> 00:11:48.240
rebuild anything, you have to be in the right mental
154
00:11:48.279 --> 00:11:51.480
space to even start. And for a lot of people
155
00:11:51.960 --> 00:11:55.879
that's the hardest part. It's not the habits themselves, but
156
00:11:56.039 --> 00:11:59.639
getting your mind to slow down long enough to believe
157
00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:05.080
you're worth the effort. So before the daily practices, here's
158
00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:09.480
what helps you get into the headspace. Where healing becomes possible.
159
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:12.320
The first is to slow down enough to notice your
160
00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:15.639
inner voice. You can't change the way you talk to
161
00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.519
yourself if you've never paused long enough to hear it.
162
00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:24.559
Most people are walking around on autopilot, just working, commuting, scrolling,
163
00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:28.200
you know, doing, but not really checking. In just a
164
00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:33.080
few moments of quiet can reveal wow, I really talk
165
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:36.080
to myself like this every day, so I mean awareness
166
00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:39.559
is definitely the doorway to rebuilding. The second is to
167
00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:44.320
give yourself permission to be a beginner. You won't suddenly
168
00:12:44.360 --> 00:12:49.279
wake up feeling confident. You won't believe every affirmation right away.
169
00:12:50.279 --> 00:12:53.480
You won't set a boundary and feel strong and unstoppable.
170
00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:58.320
But you have to allow yourself to start small, start
171
00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:03.159
messy if you need to are unsure. Permission creates space
172
00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:09.759
for growth. Third, release the idea that healing must look perfect.
173
00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:13.480
I say this to my kids all the time. There's
174
00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.720
not one perfect person on this earth. Now. Some days
175
00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:21.600
you'll feel empowered, other days you'll feel like you're sliding backward,
176
00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:25.600
and that's normal. Self Esteem isn't a straight line. It's
177
00:13:25.639 --> 00:13:29.480
a pattern that you learn to rewrite over time. Four.
178
00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:37.720
Get honest about how much society has influenced your image.
179
00:13:38.279 --> 00:13:43.279
Denial never helped anyone, and it's hard to rebuild confidence
180
00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:51.519
when you're still measuring yourself against unrealistic standards body career, motherhood, relationships,
181
00:13:51.960 --> 00:13:58.600
timelines success. When you recognize these expectations were handed to me,
182
00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:03.039
they're not all mine, you create mental room to redefine
183
00:14:03.399 --> 00:14:06.919
who you want to be. Five. Choose one thing to
184
00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:10.240
start with. It's better to start than to not start
185
00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:13.799
at all. Now people get stuck because they try to
186
00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:17.840
change everything all at once, But your mind doesn't need
187
00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:23.120
a full life makeover. It just needs one shift, one
188
00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:27.080
new habit, one place to begin, and that's how real
189
00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:32.120
momentum builds. Once you're in the headspace, you're aware, you're open,
190
00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:36.159
you're honest and ready to take small steps. Then the
191
00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:41.399
daily habits have space to work. Now, rebuilding self esteem
192
00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:46.559
isn't a quick fix. It's a practice. It's like a muscle,
193
00:14:46.799 --> 00:14:50.559
it's a commitment to showing up. Differently, these habits work
194
00:14:50.639 --> 00:14:54.200
best when you approach them from a place of compassion
195
00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:59.080
rather than pressure. So again, speak kindly to yourself. Replace
196
00:14:59.399 --> 00:15:02.759
harshness with truth. I made a mistake and that's normal.
197
00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:06.720
I'm showing up today, and that matters. I am worthy
198
00:15:06.919 --> 00:15:13.600
of healthy relationships. Set micro goals. Small winds create real confidence.
199
00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:17.799
So do things like drink water, take a short walk,
200
00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:23.519
complete one small task. Your brain response to completion, not perfection.
201
00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:29.080
Use the mirror with compassion. Look at yourself the way
202
00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:31.840
you look at someone you care about and say, I'm
203
00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:38.519
proud of you. You're growing, You're learning. Practice boundaries. This
204
00:15:38.679 --> 00:15:43.679
is something I have to practice often. Practice boundaries. No
205
00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:47.279
is a full sentence. Protecting your piece is not rude,
206
00:15:47.399 --> 00:15:53.320
it's responsible. You also have to celebrate progress, even the
207
00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:56.840
tiny steps count. So getting out of bed, making a
208
00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:01.840
phone call, choosing rest, choosing yourself. Progress is anything that
209
00:16:01.960 --> 00:16:06.879
moves you toward the version of you you're intentionally building.
210
00:16:07.759 --> 00:16:14.399
Curate your environment. Your surroundings influence your self esteem more
211
00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:17.720
than you think. When you're on social media, how about
212
00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:22.440
you follow accounts that uplift you. Limit your comparisons because
213
00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:25.639
not all those people that you're following are their true,
214
00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:31.639
authentic self. Keep people close who see your value even
215
00:16:31.679 --> 00:16:40.720
when you forget it. Move your body, stretch, walk, rest, nourish.
216
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:44.000
Your body isn't something to fix, it's something to care for.
217
00:16:44.440 --> 00:16:47.200
You only have one body. I always tell my kids
218
00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:49.200
that I'm like you have one body, You better take
219
00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:55.840
care of it. Journal honestly ask yourself, what did I
220
00:16:55.879 --> 00:16:59.919
do well today? What challenged me? What did I learn?
221
00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:05.359
Journaling helps you track your growth and rewrite negative beliefs.
222
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:10.480
Get support if you can, because therapy helps you unpack
223
00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:15.240
the beliefs you developed during tough seasons and replace them
224
00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:18.920
with healthier ones. I do have to be honest. There
225
00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:23.160
have been seasons in my life where I didn't recognize myself,
226
00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:28.319
seasons where I questioned almost everything. And it wasn't because
227
00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:33.240
I wasn't capable, but because I was exhausted. I was
228
00:17:33.319 --> 00:17:37.039
overstretched and pouring into everyone else more than I was
229
00:17:37.079 --> 00:17:42.640
pouring into me. Having kids definitely changed me in ways
230
00:17:42.680 --> 00:17:47.319
that nobody prepared me for. Between the body changes and
231
00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:51.799
my priorities, even my identity. I mean, you go from
232
00:17:51.839 --> 00:17:56.799
being you to being mommy, mommy, mommy, and what feels
233
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:59.720
like a single breath. And don't get me wrong, I
234
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:03.480
love my kids. I love my kids. They are my
235
00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:07.920
heart walking around outside my body. But motherhood has a
236
00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.240
way of rearranging your life so completely that one day
237
00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:14.039
you look in the mirror and You're like, where did
238
00:18:14.079 --> 00:18:17.880
I go? Why don't I feel like myself anymore? Why
239
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:20.480
is it so hard to give myself the same energy